Friday, December 4, 2009

No AF, so now what?

So, yesterday i called my Doc's and let them know that AF has not come to visit and i'm getting worried. At first i thought i was just doing something silly by calling when i've heard of some women not getting it for 2 weeks after the BCP. Well as that has never been the case with me when i have ever taken anything to bring on AF they jumped on it right away and sent me a requsition to have Beta HCG blood test done. Which now of course even though i try not to let it, I've been getting my hopes up agian thinking "may be i'll get that oh so desired BFP" (big fat positive) "that i might just have a bun in the oven". it's so hard because i know i shouldn't get excited about it. but i can't help myself. I'm already doing the signs of "getting my hopes up syndrom" which i suffer from every time any one of my Doctors have ever said they want to take a pregnancy test. I know i have come down with a bad case of this when i show the following symptoms.
1. Google becomes your best friend or posibly your worse enemy, because of being curious of things like when i'll be due, or early pregnancy signs, etc.
2. You think about every time you might have had a possible sign.
3. You have to restrain your self from buying every singel HPT in the store
4. You hold off on taking any test because you want to enjoy even just for another day more of the sheer bliss of ignorance of not knowing that it is a BFN. But to enjoy the fact that there is still a 50% chance it is a BFP.
5. Now this one is the worst, you start day dreaming, sounds not so bad but when you start you can't stop. You think about when you'll tell you DH and his reation. You then think about telling the soon to be Grandparents. But then you start thinking about even more dangerous things like the upcoming Christmas holidays and how you'll be able to tell every one and then you think about next Christmas and how you'll have a little one to hold and do all those great things that Parents get to do for their kids on Christmas.
After going through all these blissful symptoms you then get the dreaded phone call from the Doc's saying "I'm so sorry Mrs Sumner but your test came back negative" that is when all of those symptoms come back to bite you in the butt. You start thinking about all the things you looked up or day dreamed about and think " will those things ever happen for me?" And this is when you feel like yet agian you failed.

After going through these steps over the past few years over and over agian, I'm already mad at my self because i'm seeing the symptoms pop their heads out again and taunting me to just enjoy the bliss of ingnorance and think about what if... Oh well might as well enjoy it while i can. I won't be getting the test results back for a few days anyway because of the weekend ayway.

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